WIP: The Editing Process (Before & After)

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Here is a sneak at one of the scenes from my upcoming novel, Love Exactly. My fabulous Beta reader, Faith, pointed out that this should be broken into dialogue to flow better. That’s exactly what I did.

 

BEFORE:

The first few days when I woke up Evan was still hanging half-off the pull out bed, limbs everywhere and his mouth open in a rather unattractive way. I found it hard not to laugh as I crept into the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee. It was never far after that he woke up, no doubt from the smell of coffee wafting over him. I had already gotten used to the feeling of him coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me as he kissed my cheek. The first day we went back into my bedroom to watch the sun rise over the lake and he had ended up falling back asleep with his coffee cup in his hand. I had moved the coffee cup and cuddled up into him, waiting for him to wake. When he did I had asked him when the last time he had taken a vacation was. He responded that he couldn’t remember ever taking one. I knew he needed to relax so we hadn’t done much of anything since he had arrived, but I was more than happy to just spend time getting to know him over walks, dinner and board games.

This morning Evan and I had ventured out onto the beach that framed the lake with our cups of coffee, which were now buried in the sand behind us. I knew we only had so much time together, but it felt good to just sit in his arms, my head against his chest, elbows resting on either of his legs, watching as the ducks dunked their heads in and out of the water. I enjoyed the fact that we didn’t have to talk to enjoy each other’s presence. It wasn’t that we had nothing that we could talk about, but that we didn’t need to talk. I played with the laces of his Converse shoes and looked up at him.

“Have you ever heard of flip flops?” I teased, breaking the silence.

He responded by slipping the shoes off and wiggling his toes into the sand. “Better?”

AFTER:

I had to admit that the first night with Evan on my couch was hard. I yearned for him to stay wrapped in my blankets with me, but I let my brain tell me it was far too soon for that.

“I should probably go to the couch?” Evan had whispered into my ear as I fell asleep.

“Mhmm,” I replied as I fought my tongue asking him to stay.

He leaned over my body, his hands gentle as he swept a piece of hair away from my chin and let his fingers caress my neck before letting his lips settle on my cheek.

“Goodnight, Emma,” his voice tickled my neck, and I felt my chest rise with a content sigh.

I could feel the smile on his lips as he kissed me once more before his weight shifted off of the bed.

“You suck,” I mumbled as I rolled over to look at him standing leaning against the doorframe, shirtless with his gorgeous tattoos scattered up his arm, across his chest and over his collarbone. His lips curled at their edges as he winked at me and turned into the living room.

I huffed before rolling onto my stomach and shoving my face in the pillows. My brain wouldn’t stop thinking of him in the next room alone, and I found myself tossing and turning at the thought. It didn’t matter how long I stared at the ceiling, if I had my head shoved in the pillow, or if I was turned away from the door. I still knew he was there and longed for him to be with me. I only managed to fall asleep when I heard his soft snores echoing into my room, somehow knowing that he had fallen asleep calmed my mind. I woke to Evan’s now much louder snores at the dimness of dawn, and I couldn’t help but giggle to myself as I crept into the living room.  He was still asleep, hanging half-off the pull out bed, limbs everywhere and his mouth open in a rather unattractive way. I stifled my laughter with my hand as I snuck into the kitchen to brew a pot of much needed coffee. Soon the sound of snores softened to nothing, and I felt Evan’s arms wrapping around my waist before his lips grazed on my shoulder blade.

“Good morning,” he said into my ear as he kissed it.

“You have no idea,” I replied as I leaned my bare back against his soft chest.

“I think I do.”

I pulled away in reluctance to prepare our cups of coffee, and Evan watched with a sleepy smile on his face.

“I think you could use this,” I commented as I handed him his.

“Mhmm.” He smiled and smelled it before holding his free hand out to me. I let him lead me back into the bedroom where he opened the curtains to the French doors before pulling me into the bed with him. The coffee cup never left his hand, but he managed not to spill it as he wrapped his free arm around me and rested the cup on the side of him.

“When was the last time you took a vacation?” I asked as he pulled us back against the pillows.

“Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever taken one,” he replied. “I’ve never really had a reason to stop working—driven to the point of being insane. I never realized how tired I was of everything until now.”

“Everything?”

I felt his chest rise against my shoulders as he sighed. “The media, the cameras, the fans—don’t get me wrong, I do love them…it’s just—”

“Overwhelming to worry about every move you make…to worry you’re going to run into someone every time you leave your house.”

“Yeah.” I felt his lips, tender against the curve of my neck. “I love how you understand things that no one else could.”

“I’m sure plenty of other people understand,” I reassured him.

“No, not like you do,” he answered as his fingers traced my arm, leaving a trail of tingling skin. “I can’t explain it…it’s in your voice…the way your presence fills a silent room,” he chuckled to himself, “the way you smile at me when you’re watching me play. You just get it.”

“I don’t want you to ever leave,” I whispered back, turning my head to kiss the stubble of his chin.

He smiled down at me. “I won’t ever leave for too long. I don’t think I could stay away.”

I cuddled further into the bed and rested my head against his chest as we watched the sunrise. It wasn’t long before his breaths deepened, and I knew he was asleep again. The next few days were spent in a similar way. We simply relaxed, enjoyed each other’s conversation and memorized the feeling of one another’s skin.

This morning Evan and I had ventured out onto the beach that framed the lake with our cups of coffee, which were now buried in the sand behind us. I knew we only had so much time together, but it felt good to just sit in his arms, my head against his chest, elbows resting on either of his legs, watching as the ducks dunked their heads in and out of the water. I enjoyed the fact that we didn’t have to talk to enjoy each other’s presence. It wasn’t that we had nothing that we could talk about, but that we didn’t need to talk. I played with the laces of his Converse shoes and looked up at him.

“Have you ever heard of flip flops?” I teased, breaking the silence.

He responded by slipping the shoes off and wiggling his toes into the sand. “Better?”

COPYRIGHT CASSANDRA GIOVANNI, 2013

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One thought on “WIP: The Editing Process (Before & After)

  1. Pingback: WIP: Love Exactly Marketing Materials | C Giovanni Writes

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