Deleted December: Scene 1

UntitledYES! It’s finally here, and what does that mean? Deleted scenes from my recently published novel, Walking in the Shadows. There is so many reasons a scene can be deleted, a)it doesn’t fit b)it doesn’t add anything to the story c)your editor wrote “I’m sorry, I really don’t like this whole section at all. Do something with it”.

Yes, all of those happened and you will all get to see them, and for c) I will let you see the changes that were made to address the issue. The great thing about hardcore honest editors is they want to see you grow, even if it means handing you your bottom on a plate. The other thing is they let you try to figure out what’s wrong, they don’t just say it’s crap (excuse my language). It was one of my favorite experiences with the first time I had a hardcore honest editor to be able to see what she meant when she said “look at this again”. She didn’t straight out say this is no good because of this, she wanted me to see why and agree, and if I didn’t to stand up for what I felt was right. We had conversations about the process, back and forth debates about certain things. It was a truly fulfilling experience, constructive criticism always is. It also helped me to get the mechanics of novel writing down as compared to my technical writing.

I suppose you would rather read it than hear me rant about it, but please be advised these were deleted and thus did not get clean grammar, typo editing because they don’t exist. So, here goes it:

 

Chapter 51

Removed on Edit 3 (total edits 7)
“Dude, Jennings looked so hot last night. I have no clue why you keep turning her down.” Another teacher commented to Tad as I walked by the teacher’s lounge.

I stopped and pretended to be drinking from the water fountain.

“First of all, you have a wife, so why are you checking Jennings out? Second of all, she could do with wearing a bit more clothing in a public venue. She looked like a stripper.” Tad snapped throwing the foam cup he was drinking out of into the trash with a bit too much force. It hit the inside and bounced out. When he knelt down to pick it up he saw me and smiled.

“Wow, just because I’m married doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes.” The teacher continued, “Sounds like you’re still attached to that ex of yours.”

“We got back together and even if we weren’t I would still think the same thing. She looked like a stripper.” Tad replied dropping the cup into the trash.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Yes, in the real world looking like a tramp is a bad thing.”

“This girl must be slamming and she has you whipped.” The other teacher commented and I was glad that he didn’t teach any of the subjects that I took.

Tad made no reply, but came out the door, “Oh, Hi Vera.”

“Hi, Mr. Knightley.”

“Did you hear all that?” He asked under his voice as we walked towards his classroom.

“Yes, and I think if your girlfriend were here she wouldn’t be able to resist smothering you with kisses if she could.” I answered and I knew I was glowing.

“Well, I’ll be seeing her later, so she can make up for it then.” Tad suggested with a crooked smile as he looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

“I’m sure she will.” I responded biting my lip in way I hoped was a seductive.

“How was your slumber party?”Tad asked holding the door open and following me to my seat.

“Well, it was pretty good. Jaz is pretty convinced that I’m deeply in love with some mysterious man I met over the summer. She’s pretty smart,” I acknowledged as I smiled up at him sitting on the edge of my desk.

“She really is and she’s a good writer. I’ll let you take a peak sometime…” He said holding his finger up to his lips invoking silence. I sighed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, except you looked extraordinarily sexy when you did that.” I whispered.

He stood, “Something you can make up for tonight.” He added as he winked walking away as Jaz came in the door.

She raised an eyebrow looking between Knightley and me before flopping down in front of me. “Miss me?”

WHY I DELETED IT: Well, in all honesty, I just felt it didn’t add anything to the book. It fit in with the flow, but at the same time it just bugged me for some reason, and in the end I felt it wasn’t needed. I liked the ending when Jaz raises and eyebrow and asks “miss me?”, and I also liked having Tad tell another teacher what a tool he was. It had good comedic value, but there was already enough of that with the book, although the book did have a serious over all tone to it.

So, what do you think?

I tracked all of my edits on my Goodreads. You can view each comment I made in the process by clicking HERE and scrolling past the quotes from the novel. (If you like the quotes then “like” em’!)

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3 thoughts on “Deleted December: Scene 1

  1. Pingback: Deleted December: Scene 2 | C Giovanni Writes

  2. Pingback: Walking in the Shadows Alternate Ending | C Giovanni Writes

  3. Pingback: 100 Posts: Deleted December Wrap Up | C Giovanni Writes

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