I have a strong faith in God, and I believe that when we need him the most, he will show us that the path we have taken is right. Being self-published is one the biggest challenges I have faced in my life. I have put my self out there for the world to see and to poke and jab with words and comments. I have to work my hardest and try to rise above stereotypes that have been set forth about those that are self-published. Some may assume that I couldn’t get an agent, and I took this way as the easy route. It’s not the easy route. I’m editing Walking in the Shadows right now as you read, and I write. I wrote this novel before I wrote In Between Seasons. This is my heart and soul in ink and paper–this is who I am as a writer. It scares me that every one is going to be able to read it shortly, and it won’t be perfect. There’s no such thing.
I set up to edit today and I put on my Milosh radio and started working away. Then a song started to play as I wrote/edited. It is scary…how perfect this song is. It mirrored the scene I was working on. It ripped that doubt right out of me. I know this is it. I know this is good. I can only hope you love it. The song says “When you walked away it was the Saddest day the world has known. Shattered my heart and left me in Pieces of a broken home. Now you say you need me. Standing at the door Asking if you can come in. And I can’t say no, I can’t say no.”
This is what I was reading:
The making of the pies only occupied me for an hour, and then as I sat on the couch watching the Thanksgiving parade I realized I had made the situation worse. The smell of the pies only reminded me of my mother cooking dinner for us and her closest friends, flour everywhere and her hair in a messy bun. I put my head in my hands and rubbed my eyes, if I were older, if I were out of high school, Tad would be here now. The doorbell rang, and I jumped at the sound.
“Coming,” I grumbled as I stood up.
I opened the door to find Tad leaning against the door frame looking at his feet. When he looked up at me he started laughing. “You’ve been cooking, huh? Did any of the flour get into the pan?” he teased as he reached up and rubbed my cheek clean.
I couldn’t help but smile. “I thought making pies would take my mind off of things.”
“Well, they sure do smell good. I hope you’ll share them with me?” he suggested.
“Tad, what are you doing here?” I asked as I looked over his shoulder and pulled him inside before shutting the door.
“You shouldn’t be alone.”
“What if someone sees your car and knows I live here? You know how teenagers gossip!” I chided him, my face feeling warmer by the second.
Yeah, I know, crazy right. It get’s better–the song is the song of Walking. If it ever became a movie, this would be the song that Vera and Tad dance to before they let everything go…
You and I just can’t say goodbye
Every time we do, well
It’s just another lie
I know you’re no good for me, but
Every time I’m with you there’s
Nowhere I’d rather be
After Vera relives the identifying of her murdered parents…
We’ve been to hell, been burnt by the
Flames of a pain so deep that
Even the strongest god in the heavens would
Kneel and weep
But here I lie
Pressed against your skin
Right where I want to be
You’re the sweetest sin
You have to go listen to this song. It’s amazingly beautiful, and then when you get to chapter 34… turn it on and read. You might cry. I warn you…you might feel the tears now…
I let him kiss me; let the nights events wash away from my mind and let the shadows remain shadows. Tonight I would forget what I was running from even though it was closer than it had ever been, for I knew I was safe in his arms.
Listen to “Lies” by Trifonic by clicking: HERE