Music Musings on Monday

This morning as I drove to work I realized that no matter what song that came over my Dead Poetic Pandora station tonight that it would have one meaning to me: Parker. Yes, the steel eyed man of Let the Fates Decide. I’m guilty that I have been trying to write Permafrost when I know I have the feeling of Fates swimming in my veins right now. I’ve never sat down and forced myself to write anything, so this could be why I hate what I wrote for Permafrost that you got a sneak peak at earlier this week. I’ve actually never planned to write a novel, I’ve always just let it come to me–let the pieces flow out and then put the puzzle together. I think I need to put out whatever my mind is leaning towards. Parker. He’s what’s plaguing me. He is haunting my dreams. When he comes to me there is always pain in those mercury eyes. I can’t place it and he won’t let me in. Each time I feel like I am closer to finding out what it means, but then a wall shoots up. My main character sees the future, she doesn’t read minds, so I suppose I will just have to find out with her. The pain is so deep that it’s breath taking, he has piled on so many layers to protect himself. I wonder about the color of his eyes and wonder if it is some reflection on me. How many people do you know with gray eyes? Besides myself I can only name one other, and I haven’t seen that person in so long that I don’t recall if their eyes really are gray. I’ve sat and puzzled about what his story is. I’m still puzzling what it is. I feel as though it has to do with his family and his past relationships–it’s something he hasn’t talked about–he doesn’t want to talk about, but he needs to talk about. I need to let him talk… So I listen to the music and it let’s him speak:

Ah, perfection:

PANDORA STATION: Dead Poetic

ARTIST: Dead Poetic

GENRE: Post-hardcore, hard rock

SONG: Vices

CD: Vices

This song is very powerful for me for two reasons: a)Just listen and you can hear it b)This is the song that made me start writing again…it inspired the first novel I wrote after my silence from paper. It has inspired a little bit of every novel I have written since. It is so perfect for the issue I have just written about.

LYRICS:

Feeling cold, feeling empty. Set the stage, where you want me.
And this crowd right before me doesn’t care that I’m dying.
And the audience stands with their eyes fixed on the preconceived version of me.
I’m so betrayed by your hopes, but I will not hide myself for your peace of mind.

Oh, but Child. I’ve got Vices like any other man.

Raise a boy to a cynic. Take his love, and then let it turn into something passionate.
Something sick, something rabid.
And I vent to keep myself from caving. I don’t hate you, I just hate where I’m heading.
I’m left here asking, when did I trade in my bleeding heart for a selfish win?

Oh, but Mother. I’ve got Vices like any other man.
Vices that you’re not used to. Vices that’ll make you think less of me.

Leave me numb. Leave me jaded. She’s a dream, I just play dead.
I’ve been blessed, I’ve been hated. She’s the constant, and I’m her addict.
She’s the only peace in this world, uneasy.
While I bite my tongue to keep from breaking the heart that I’ve spent my whole life seeking.
The only heart I’ve ever needed.

Oh, but Lover. I’ve got Vices like any other man.
Vices that you’re not used to. Vices that’ll make you think…
Oh, but Lover. I’ve got Vices like any other man.
Vices that you’re not used to. Vices that’ll make you think less of me. Less of me.

Feeling cold, feeling empty. I am low, unworthy.
Bleed the God. Bleed the blessing. Like a vulture feasting.
I’ll exist as if I don’t feel conviction of my ignorance to my perfect prison.
But I feel the stabs on my wrists and ankles every time I try…

To forget you. To forget you.

Oh, but Jesus. I’ve got Vices like any other man.
Vices that you’re so used to. Vices that won’t make you think less of me.

You can view the video here.

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2 thoughts on “Music Musings on Monday

  1. Cassandra, I love that song! Kind of a jagged rhythm to it, very different. Hey, by the way (and this has happened to me before), I don’t know if you’ve seen that new show Revolution or not (forget what channel), but the world it takes place in is eerily like the post-apocalyptic world of In Between Seasons. Civilization splintered, decaying. Wilderness taking over, hardship, warring factions. Oh yes, and a female protagonist who has lost everyone close to her and is traveling the world searching for answers (along with her only surviving relative, an uncle with a mysterious past). What is really eerie is her love interest is a mysterious young man who has decided to travel with her small clan and watch over her. The only problem is he is also very dangerous and is a member of a militant militia (they discovered his tattoo), which he claims he has escaped from and wants nothing more to do with. They both are searching for answers and to escape. Not sure if the similarities to yours are more than on the surface at this early point, but it is definitely Paranormal Romance.

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